Why Holding It All Together Is Holding You Back
If there is one important thing I could tell you as a cancer survivor, motherless daughter of 20 years, and someone who has coached hundreds of women leaders, it’s this… Feel your feelings when they come up.
Women have gotten so good at pushing down their feelings. At being highly functional.
At putting everyone else first and finding ways to “put off” what we’re actually feeling.
It might feel as though it is in service to others…
“My kids need me.”
“This work project won’t finish itself.”
“My clients are counting on me.”
But the truth is, everyone and everything would be better served if you simply let yourself feel first. When you do - it often takes 10–20 minutes max.
When the shitty thing happens—feel the anger.
When the doctor calls—let yourself be sad.
When you make the choice you wish you wouldn’t have, feel the guilt.
Here’s a simple 3-step practice I call Feel It to Free It:
Name it – say it out loud: I’m so angry. I’m sad. I feel guilty.
Notice it – where does it live in your body? Tight chest? Lump in your throat? Nausea in your stomach? These are signals, not problems.
Nurture it – give yourself 3–5 breaths to be with it. Let the tears come. Punch a pillow. Shake or dance it out. Do whatever helps that energy move through instead of staying stuck.
I get that it’s tempting to skip these steps because it feels better. I remember when my mom passed away and I was filled with grief, I thought “If I really let go, I’ll never stop crying.” It is natural to feel afraid to “go there”. It takes practice.
Instead of our natural urge to numb the pain…
Scrolling. Drinking. Overworking. Overhelping.
The sneaky thing is, some of this feels “productive”. But it costs us in the long run.
Here’s the beauty of this - when you let yourself feel the lows fully, your highs expand too!
Joy gets brighter.
Laughter gets deeper.
Love gets bigger.
So next time a wave comes, don’t push it down.
Name it. Notice it. Nurture it.
Feel it to free it. Watch how much more alive you feel.
